found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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