I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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