you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
