just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
