omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
