Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We left the knife in your bed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
