You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
