Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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