worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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