This is not my ceiling
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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