She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
