He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
