i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
