You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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