I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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