I'm really into asian looking animals
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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