My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
