I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
