apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
