question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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