So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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