I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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