I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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