apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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