Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
