i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
