it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
