I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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