he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
