So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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