i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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