I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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