Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
