end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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