I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I didn't notice because vodka
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
