I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
