oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
