While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
