i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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