oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
