good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
