So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
