You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
