haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
