So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
