the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
