When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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