my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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