It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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