dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he had hair everywhere except his balls
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
