I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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