Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
