I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
