i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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