just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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