I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
