I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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