I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
