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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..

  Fav 15 4450 1483

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.

  Fav 9 3999 1417

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.

  Fav 13 2186 1703

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• (310): View more from California

  Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.

  Fav 7 906 1651

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.

  Fav 5 3570 986

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.

  Fav 10 978 2214

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.

  Fav 7 901 646

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.

  Fav 3 1176 567

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• (904): View more from Florida

  And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

  Fav 4 725 538

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms

  Fav 2 838 475

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.

  Fav 1 866 400

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• (850): View more from Florida

  My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.

  Fav 0 562 425

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.

  Fav 1 359 163

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.

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• (916): View more from California

  Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.

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