How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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