Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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