his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
