I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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