I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
