he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
