there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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