He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize