Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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