Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My hand turned me down
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
