My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
