and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
